Saturday, June 6, 2009

My Sobering Secret. | Mommy Track'd

My Sobering Secret. | Mommy Track'd.

I read this essay today because the title from the Motherlode intrigued me. First I have to say that I love Stephanie Wilder-Taylor's humor and writing. Second, I've read her first two books and laughed out loud. Third, when sharing this with my mother, and the title of another book- If you Give a Mom a Martini- I said, "It's amazing that there is such a theme of drinking in the world of mothers and parenting books." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised- it feels great to "tie one on" sometimes at the end of a day and just get numb. However, I learned early on that the hangover the next day just isn't worth it. Especially if the next day is a Tuesday.
Taylor's reason for her drinking is simple- motherhood. There is NOTHING that prepares us for motherhood and the drastic change that occurs in our lives when we go from woman to mother. There are very few people who are not mothers who understand what it's like when within a few days, or a week, or two weeks after giving birth your husband goes back to work and his life returns mostly to normal and we are at home with an infant who we do not know, no friends, and a tremendous lack of sleep. It's a very lonely and difficult time.
Think about it- we have 12 years of elementary school and 4 years of college to prepare for a career where as girls and women we are told we can do anything we want to do, be anything we want to be. We are given 9 months to "prepare" for motherhood but since pregnancy and motherhood are TOTALLY different we really only get between 2 and 4 days in the hospital. See anything wrong with this picture? I don't blame Ms. Taylor at all. I'd like to blame society but I wouldn't even know where to start. Women have been the primary caregivers for kids for thousands of years and yet we have not found a better way to make the adjustment to the massive change that we must embrace.
I love being a mother and I love my kids but I am imperfectly human. I understand Ms. Taylor's position and her need to admit that she has a problem in order to fix that problem. I admire her honesty and I understand her need to share with her online community to get the support she needs even if she doesn't know her supporters personally. Motherhood is difficult, but it's a job we will have for the rest of our lives and our children depend on us to be the best we can be for them and for ourselves. Some days that means knowing when to each out for help.

Monday, June 1, 2009

That Was Awesome!

I am just now, about 24 hours late, watching the preview of the new moon trailer during the MTV Movie Awards. First, I have to say that I'm thankful for Tivo and the new director of the movie! I knew that after being at the pool with friends on Sunday, and enjoying a couple of cocktails, I would miss the awards. So, tonight in the peace and quiet of my living room in my own time, I got to see it. I plan to rewind and watch again. And again. It's what I like to call Mommy entertainment.

I would imagine that there are many people who would wonder what an educated 38 year old mom is doing watching the new moon trailer over and over. The Twilight series is supposed to capture the hearts and attention of the teenagers- right? When I first started reading Twilight I didn't think much of that question. (I had been a follower of Anne Rice and loved Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire.) My niece had recommended Twilight and as it was it took me a while to get started reading it. This seemed like a fun, mindless piece of reading. I was so off. About 50 pages into the book, I was sucked in never to leave. It was a while before I stopped reading long enough to wonder what the appeal of the book was and why 30 something moms were so hooked.

I, and several of my girlfriends, entered what we call Edward's world. Why? I'm not sure. I certainly don't want to relive the high school drama that I already survived. But there was something about the magic and fantasy of living among vampires and a girl like Bella who so plain and simple in her own mind was so strong to the rest of us. Maybe it's her strength that we admire because as adults many of us are still trying to find it. Maybe it's the memory and thrill of first love. Maybe it's just the opportunity to live life vicariously through someone else for those few minutes in a day when we finally get a chance to sit down and stop thinking. In truth, I think it's a little bit of everything. High school love with a happy ending. Finding strength in places we didn't know we had it. Memories of the passion of new love.

I can't live in the fantasy and I have plenty to keep me grounded each day. Three adorable kids who keep me busy. A ton of laundry that never seems to fold itself. A husband who I look forward to having some alone time with on the weekends because weekdays are just too busy. That's my reality. Forks, WA is my fantasy. A little fantasy can go a long way. I love losing myself in the world of a book. Or even a movie trailer. I'll watch the trailer for new moon one more time before going to bed. It was awesome!